Leon's Random Ramblings

It should not hurt to be a child.

Following my previous post on Toxic Wives I think I am going to coin a new phrase: Toxic Moms. Women who display Hostile Passive-Aggressive Parenting.

Today’s post is a shameless copy of all the stuff I saw on YouTube while searching for answers to my little one’s pain and what I can tell her. Here are some of the phrases I copied, word-for-word, no interpretations added:

[Toxic Moms] are committing the ultimate hate crime. Every day.

Is it possible for a loving, capable parent to be alienated from his child? Yes. All a mom has to do is to slowly infuse her hatred for the dad into the child.

6 Days a month is not meaningful contact.

Thanks for always walking away when mom shouts at you.

Why is mom divorcing “us”, what have you done? Are you dangerous?

Dad I have to remember what we ate for dinner last night otherwise mom is going to tell the judge she doesn’t think you fed me.

Mom says she is going to court to protect “us” … from what?

Dad when I miss you it hurts inside.

Mom says we are not allowed to talk about you and she threw your pictures away, is she going to throw me away too?

Mom says I am too small to remember when you were mean to her.

Children don’t have a way to express their pain and confusion.

Who will heal the children hurt by this hate?

Are YOUR children safe from this form of brainwashing?

These parents are sociopaths, whose only purpose in a divorce is to win by domination.

The children are the real victims.

“Parental Alienation is about parents who place their own selfish needs above those of their defenseless children and in doing so, they deny them their right to love and be loved by both parents.” Dr. Reena Sommer

No matter how you “ration-lies” it, subtly suggesting to a child that the “other” parent is “wrong” – children should never have to choose one parent over the other – it is their right to experience the full love of both parents, not limited by the mother’s opinion.

Teaching a child to hate a parent, is to teach them to hate a piece of themselves, to teach them not to have a full relationship with the other parent because YOU don’t want a full relationship, is all about YOU, selfish YOU.

There are support systems and here is a link to one such website

I had no idea what a “targeted parent” or “alienating parent” was, or that PAS even existed. I have since come to find out that these tactics can be very common in divorce and child custody cases.

Lets call it for what it is: CHILD ABUSE

August 25th, 2010 | Tags: Children's Rights, Divorce, Parenting | Category: Children's Rights, Life Lessons, Life Questions | Comments (4)

(Click To Enlarge) Khaleej Times in the Gulf region today carried an interesting article on page 12. Hardly front page news, yet so compelling.

The phrase that caught my eye was “It took a lot for the man who is in his fifties to reach out and get help“.

As can be expected, the article goes on to relate how – once he had the guts to report her – the wife falsely accused him of battering her, which was her way of getting her hands on his assets. He was even jailed for two months before being released. And there are more than 1000 men being protected in the house of safety in Serbia.

It is the worst form of abuse when a woman and wife, who is supposed to be the protector, the nurturer, the mother, turns against the relationship. And according to the writer 7 – 10% of men are exposed to abuse at home.

Are you (or have you been) affected by domestic violence? Did you report it? Were you successful?

I would like to hear from you.

August 9th, 2010 | Tags: Alternative Views | Category: Family | Comments (5)

Been there, Done that, Got the T-shirt.

Some counselors tell you that you will experience stress levels during your divorce that is the same as a death in the immediate family. They are wrong.

Divorce is like a major limb amputation.

When you are dead, it is over. You can go to the grave, you can put flowers, you can counsel. It is final and whatever happens afterwards you never have to deal with that person again.

But divorce is different. You have to live the rest of your life without that most important piece of your body. You have to cope with every day, dressing, going to the toilet, eating, whatever. You have to cope with phantom pains in limbs you cannot control any longer. Forever clothes will look funny on you and people will stare at your missing parts. You are going to be reminded of the amputation every day when you struggle to be normal.

Clinically, if you can save your life by having an amputation, do it. It is a valid option, but it is not the easy way out, it is a last resort. You will never be 100% complete again.

Divorce is worse than death. You will lose an essential limb, not a life. Think about that carefully before you consider getting a divorce.

July 30th, 2010 | Tags: Divorce, musing | Category: Life Lessons | Comments (2)

Some books are quick but razor-sharp, and An Open Letter To Love Lost by pseudonym Charles Woodman fits that description.

Firstly, the idea that he writes the truth but hides it behind a pseudonym is very attractive and probably therapeutic. The book doesn’t feel like a storybook, it oozes real feelings. He is very skilled at putting down what matters without subtlety or crudeness.

What attracted me the most was how vividly I could identify with the situation. I’ve written before about toxic wives and broken promises and stuff that matter to me and how there is really no answers for life’s journey. How he travelled the road and screwed up the one thing that was important to him. And it is a man writing, not a woman – something we don’t see often enough.

Amazon reviews are favourable and I agree – please go read them if you have a minute. StacyLynne says I found myself often in tears as I felt the authors pain and loss, as I remembered my own and Susan Rudman says but somehow the personality contained in that body is just the one thing that is most unhealthy for us. Enjoy the book!

July 28th, 2010 | Tags: Alternative Views | Category: Books and Reading, Life Lessons | Comments (3)