Its all your fault
“Its all your fault that we are getting divorced” seems to be a common cry, from both parties in a divorce. Its definitely always the other party. Seems odd to me but I’m OK with that, I suppose if both parties complain equally loud about the other party it is a balanced score card (pun intended).
However, I don’t want to dwell too long on who initiated or caused the divorce since that is not going to achieve anything. Instead, today, I want to shine my light on the effect that it has on children when parents give up on their supposedly bad marriages and get a divorce, thinking divorce is the easy way out, that it will solve all the problems.
Here are the stats: The absence of a biological father increases a daughter’s vulnerability to rape and sexual abuse by 900% [click here] (Source: 1988 National Health Interview Survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which is part of the United States Department of Health and Human Services).
And here is my straight question: Mom, You said you couldn’t cope and it was better for you to get divorced. Right. But what about your daughter? You are ok, right, but now she is carrying the risk. You just transferred your guilt and your responsibility to your child! There is no such thing as a free lunch, and if it is easy for you … think about those for who it isn’t so easy. Your selfishness deprived your child!
In fact, mom, you stole your daughter’s Get-Out-Of-Jail card to use for your own purpose, leaving her completely vulnerable with no support system.
Maybe this is worded a bit strong, but I’m trying to be clear: Divorce causes problems, it doesn’t solve problems. And if you are not grown-up enough to carry the responsibility for your actions, somebody else is going to suffer … and that somebody is likely to be your child.
Isn’t it great to be absolved of all your responsibility because you did what was right for you, and at the same time you transferred all your risk, all your hurt, all the chances for rape, to your child?
Like I said previously there may be reasons for divorce. Rarely, not often. But there is no way to avoid the hurt, the damage, and the increased risk. Work that into the cost of your divorce. It doesn’t look so good anymore, does it?